If you don’t want to get depressed, just skip this post and wait for my peppy self to return
Lately I have been hit hard with a case of Culture Stress. Except I’m only calling it Culture Stress because I don’t know what else to call it. So I’m thinking that’s it. The thing is, nothing specifically cultural is stressing me out. It’s more just being here. Here being not the U.S.
We’re going into our 9th week of life here, and except for needing to hang this picture here, and needing to organize this area there, we’re done with house set-up. And I think it’s made me feel… kinda strange. Like I’m floating. See, for several years now we’ve been in Preparation Mode. Everything about us as a family – where we lived, how we spent our time, what we bought – more or less had to do with getting ready to move overseas. It drives you nuts, you long for the day when you can throw away boxes, and you start to wonder how regular people live life with their two cars and mortgage payments and yard work. But in another way, it gets comfortable. You know this is you, and it starts to define you. You’re the people who are heading overseas, so you’re not buying a house. You’re the ones who are working temporary jobs so you can have the time to prepare in the evenings for future overseas work. You hate it, but you know it.
And now… This is it. This is what we’ve been working towards for SO LONG, and it’s finally here.  And it’s like – hmm. Well. So now I just live here? Okay. Interesting. I mean, we’re in the language learning stage, and in the beginnings of it, too, so we definitely have that goal. But even that is for… living. To talk. To not be moronic toddlers in a sea of adults. The boundaries of language learning are fuzzy and the goals are lifelong, so it doesn’t quite feel like a checklist or a specific goal. I mean, we can easily say that quality language learning takes 10 full years. And there’s a good chunk of me that seriously wonders if we will even be here in 10 years. It’s not for me to know, but it’s out there, this wondering if we’ll ever be in a place were we won’t have to think about language any more. It’s overwhelming.
And the thing is, language learning is just one tiny bit of everything I’m feeling, and I’m afraid if I pour out everything in my heart here, you’ll be reaching for your Prozac. For those of you that will be genuinely worried after reading this, please know that all this is totally normal, that pretty much everyone goes through it, that I’ll go through it again down the road, and that there are many, many layers to all this that is just too complicated to share in a blog post. In the big scheme of things, I’ll be fine. Culture stress is a very real and normal thing, and it’s all part of the process of living cross-culturally.
But right now, it is indeed very real, and it makes the simplest of things quite hard. I’ve been reminded to focus on a day at a time, to receive the grace I’ve been given and pour it out entirely for the 24 hours in front of me. So that’s what I’ve been doing. Making breakfast and changing diapers and memorizing verbs. And trusting that the good Lord has all the other days in His hands, because He says He does.
posted: 07 May 1
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I’ll just 2nd that it is totally normal. And I feel encouraged, not depressed because I find myself in much the same situation right now…pressed but not crushed, stressed but not too stressed out. There is a reason Its carried in broken jars…
Good to hear from you, Jennings! It’s weird, I’ve heard from quite a few people here lately, and it seems like we’re all going through some version of this stuff, even though we’ve all been here different amounts of time. I’m learning to embrace this as part of living here, knowing it’s going to come and go. Praying for you, bro…
Thanks for sharing both these last 2 blogs. First, I’m SO excited for you that you get to go to this conference. I spoke with the lady who apparently is helping organize it and I hear it is to be yearly there. Woo hoo! Take good notes cause I’ll want to hear what you learned.
Second, I’m already on depression medication so you can’t bum me out cause chemically it’s now almost impossible. Just kidding, no really I am on medication, but I am just saying I love to hear you processing and being real. That is what attracts people and gives you the opportunity to speak and help others from experience. I was just in a B study and we were talking how HE is our hope, trust, peace, joy, all that. And you know that but for me it was a good reminder that when I am concerned about how I’ll make it and what I’m committing to, it doesn’t depend on circumstances or even the trustworthiness of people. It is a question of “Do we trust and place our hope in Him alone?” I have not always been doing that and it is freeing to remember He is always trustworthy and our hope really is secure. We can find comfort in these times of forms of stress remembering how temporary this all is and that in some way, He’ll bring glory to Himself in it. Have fun!
I remember after we set up house standing in the living room looking around me and going, “now what? I want to call friends and can’t, I want to go to coffee but don’t know where to go, I can’t even order coffee because I don’t know Spanish well enough to order to coffee.” And at that point I started crying.
I think it takes time. I totally have my days where the culture stress makes me want to scream and nothing is really wrong…its just different. But after two years I finally feel sort of comfortable here. I thought that day would never come.
Thank you for being honest. I love reading your blog. You are in our thoughts. Take care.
Boy oh boy, do I ever relate COMPLETELY to your feelings in this post. And having lived almost where you live, I feel like I know those feelings even more.
It’s so normal, and it’s so good to write about it. Not only because it helps you process and makes you honest, but because in a year you’ll read back through this and be so encouraged by how non-stressful your normal life feels. How it mostly just comes 2nd nature to you and doesn’t leave you slumping into bed each night exhausted by the sheer fact of living.
Not that you asked, but here’s one little trick that helped me. Whenever I was having a particularly “culture stressy” day (and I’m with you – there wasn’t one thing about the culture that seemed stressful, it’s just BEING there), I would write a letter. To anyone. And in that letter I would force myself to write upbeat, positive things about the country and the people. Why I loved it so much. Some little thing I appreciated. And I would sit there and let the words soak into me between sentences. Faking it? Maybe. But it wasn’t faking for long. By the end of the letter I honestly felt more positive. And again, I didn’t start the letter feeling badly about the culture, the people, etc. But focusing positive, thankful thoughts on very specific cultural things made a lot of the nebulous, crushing, “out there” pressure of life diminish in intensity. I remembered that I wasn’t the one who thought up this idea of moving halfway around the world. I remembered that it would stand to reason that I would eventually fall in love with this place if I was supposed to be here. I fell in love in bits and pieces, and those letters that I used to get myself through culture shock became my love letters to my new home.
Whatever is good…think on these things. So proud of you guys.
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