I am re-reading the book Third Culture Kids, and it is soooooo good. I believe it is a must-have manual for anyone planning to raise a family in a culture different than your own. It’s like drinking from the firehose in terms of information, but it’s great stuff. And as I flipped through the book last night, I was reminded of some important things to remember as the mama of Chickpea and her future sibling(s). (Oh, and that’s not me sharing any “news” – I have none.)

Third Culture Kid (TCK): One who grows up in countries and/or cultures outside of their passport’s culture.

First off, that definition alone is a good reminder that if we are overseas for any length of time, Chickpea will see the American culture as her mom and dad’s home culture, not hers. WEIRD. I haven’t quite wrapped my noggin around that one yet. And secondly, it’ll be important for us to understand that she will be part of a subculture that Kabob nor I will never be a part – one who does not identify herself wholly with any particular culture, and instead will take different things from different cultures and make it her own. Really, the people with whom she will identify the most will be other TCKs. There is a tongue-in-cheek joke that the only place TCKs feel most at home is in an airplane.

That said, there are some significant benefits and challenges to being a TCK, with the benefits far outweighing the challenges – if we do this whole child-rearing thing right. Here are just a few…

BENEFIT: Expanded Worldview. Chickpea will experience firsthand more cultural and philosophical perspectives than many of us will in our entire lives.
CHALLENGE: Confused Loyalty. Coming back to the States and interacting with patriotic Americans will be bizarre to her.

BENEFIT: Three-dimensional View of the World. Instead of watching National Geographic, she will actually get to smell the smells, taste the tastes, and hear the sounds.
CHALLENGE: Painful View of Reality. A heightened sense of reality that may be more than a young child can or should handle. (For example, while in the States she’ll hear of a plane crash in a country very dear to her, and she’ll be confused and disheartened why the newscaster only reported the American casualties.)

BENEFIT: Cross-Cultural Enrichment. She’ll understand better than Kabob and me the “whys” of cultural differences, and she will appreciate the value of different opinions, trying new things, and simply being more open-minded.
CHALLENGE: Ignorance of the Home Culture. She might have a hard time fitting in when we’re back on visits, or if God brings us back to the U.S. to live permanently. In other words, she might get blank stares from her cousins and friends if she asks, “Who’s Britney Spears?”

BENEFIT: Adaptability. She’ll be able to better fit in with new surroundings than the average joe.
CHALLENGE: Lack of True Cultural Balance. She won’t know which culture to identify with, so she’ll feel more American in her adopted country, and more like someone from the other culture while in the States. And she’ll stick out.

BENEFIT: Less Prejudice. Self-explanatory.
CHALLENGE: More Prejudice. She’ll have very little patience for the typical American who doesn’t understand other ways of living.

And finally, one big honkin’ challenge would be the possible appearance of arrogance, whether real or perceived. It might come across as showing off when she rattles off how many countries she’s been to, or when she raves about some exotic food. She could indeed be prideful, or she could be naively just sharing about her life, unaware of how she appears. Either way, it’s not good.

So yeah… This is all just the tip of the iceberg. It’s easy to feel disheartened, but when I dwell on all the benefits, it jazzes me. I would have loved to experience some of this in my childhood. And sometimes I’m glad to not have to deal with certain American issues, although who knows how long we’ll really be overseas.

I’m tempted to get several copies of this book to extended family members, so that when we return they’ll understand why their niece or granddaughter is a little odd. We really want to raise her so that she’ll be totally comfortable in our new culture, yet able to return to the States as easily as possible without major hurdles. We don’t want to close any doors on her future, which will take some proactive parenting on our part – if she wants to go to college in the U.S., we want her to be able to do so, and to adapt well. Heck, I’d even want her to go to church camp while we’re on furlough and to actually enjoy it.

All this can be done well – we have plenty of examples around us. The world is shrinking by the minute, so she’ll be in good company with more and more kids who’ll share her experience. And I’m excited about the adventure of mothering a cross-cultural kiddo. Those of you who have kids near Chickpea’s age – when the time comes, make sure you let them know that she’s a nice girl, even if she likes eating goat brain. Or something like that.

posted: 06 September 21
under: family